Alone on Valentine's Day

The Valentine’s Day Solution

Posted on Posted in love

Valentine’s Day can be a challenge- for all kinds of reasons.  If you are single, you’re apt to feel left out.  There’s a tendency to think that all couples are having a dandy old time…although that’s often not the case!  If you’re in a new relationship, there may be anxiety- wondering whether to buy a gift or not.  If you’re expecting something on Valentine’s Day and don’t get anything, that can be a letdown.  Guys especially may feel the obligation to do something romantic even if they don’t feel like it, and no one wants to receive a gift that doesn’t come from the heart.   If your relationship is on the rocks, trying to manufacture emotions isn’t going to work.

What to do?

If you’re a couple, and want something special from your partner on Valentine’s Day  don’t expect them to read your mind.  Tell them that receiving a gift or having a celebration on Valentine’s Day means a lot to you and you would really appreciate it.  Explain what it would mean to you.   Maybe you want a simple gesture, a flower, a poem,  a homemade card or meal, or some bling and dinner out.  Ask for it… and see what happens.

This is about sharing your desires, not demanding that they be fulfilled.    Don’t hint, rather spell out what you’d like.  If your partner doesn’t take the hint, accept it.  Don’t get into ‘stinking thinking’ and make interpretations about what it says about you that they aren’t getting on board.    Instead, if you want something special to happen why not surprise your partner and create the Valentine’s event yourself?    

An Alternative: If that doesn’t work out or if you are single, why not be your own Valentine by turning Valentine’s Day into  ‘I Love Me Day!’  Rather than waiting on someone else to fulfill your wishes, or pine about not having a partner, you can create your own special day.

True freedom comes when you can shine the spotlight on yourself without having to wait for someone else to do it for you.  Does it feel wonderful when someone else does it?… YES for sure…but when you are able to do it, then you don’t need it…you’d like it, you want it, it’s icing on the cake, but if you don’t get it, you aren’t crushed.

Most people are lacking in the self- love, self-appreciation department, so this is the perfect solution.  If you’re single, you can avoid the feeling  that you’re missing out, and if you have a partner that isn’t romantic, you no longer have to feel disappointed or angry or sad that they aren’t into it.

It’s the least selfish thing you can do because when you take the time to nurture, cherish, adore yourself and appreciate yourself, you feel so much better and don’t  feel deprived.  If that sounds lame, it’s because you aren’t used to doing nice things for yourself, and because you don’t feel worthy.  With practice, it’s something you can get used to.  

One way to feel more loving and appreciative of yourself is to create an appreciation journal for yourself and write in all the things you like and love about yourself, your characteristics, things you’ve accomplished, anything that makes you feel good.  Write as much as you can and when you read it, get into the feelings those messages bring up.  Add to it everyday and read it everyday.

Over time your love and appreciation of yourself will grow, and giving yourself an ‘ I Love Me Day!’ will be something  you look forward to.

Do You celebrate Valentine's Day

What Do YOU Think About Valentine’s Day?

Posted on Posted in love, Uncategorized

What do YOU think about Valentine’s Day?

I asked a few local ladies and gents between 25-85 what they thought about Valentine’s Day and this is what they had to say:

A single man in his 30’s: ‘It’s a nice gesture, a nice reminder to celebrate each other.’

A married man in his late 50’s: ‘It’s really for the woman….I think it’s a woman’s holiday.  In all my years I do not recall ever talking to a friend or a group of guys about what they were going to do for Valentines Day or what they were hoping to get.’   ‘It’s an expectation for a woman and a responsibility for a man.’ ‘No woman has ever been in the dog house for forgetting Valentine’s Day.’

A 26 year old man in a committed relationship g said that he and his girlfriend don’t celebrate it.  He explained that he and his partner live together and spend almost all of their free time together.  They have the same friends and go to the same parties and events together,  plus they  go out on dates regularly,  so neither feels the need to do anything special on Valentines Day.    ‘If it was important to her, I definitely would do something special’ he added.   Interestingly, when he told a male acquaintance that he wasn’t doing anything for Valentine’s Day, he responded  ‘wow, how do you get away with that?’

A man in his 80’s said he didn’t like the idea of having to do something out of obligation. It kind of rubbed him the wrong way.  He preferred that it be something that he chose to do rather than it being proscribed.

A 60 year old man in a long time relationship scoffed at it saying that Valentine’s Day  was a capitalist notion that has gotten way out of hand and he thought that loving thoughts and experiences could be had throughout the year.  He said, ‘wait till the day after, and then go to dinner and buy flowers.  It’s so much cheaper!  His partner wryly remarked, ‘yeah that’s IF those things are going on throughout the year.’  OOPS!

Two 20 something ladies in committed relationships said that they  used to watch shows from the 90’s where the women were portrayed as demanding, and if they didn’t  get a gift on Valentine’s Day, they would be furious.  Both said that it’s just not like that in this day and age.  

A thirty something married Mom said, ‘We don’t do that… we don’t even really think about it…it is a commercial creation….my age and the younger ones don’t even go there.’

I think the young man said it best.  If you truly are showing love and affection and building in time for each other throughout the year, then you don’t need that special day.  But if your partner indicates that it’s important to them, then do it.  Being a great partner means being the expert at meeting your partner’s needs.  If that’s what would knock their socks off, then why not do it!

What do YOU think?

Handle Stress over the holidays

Christmas Blog: Keeping The Love Over The Christmas Holidays

Posted on Posted in Emotions, love, Uncategorized

Keeping The Love Over The Christmas Holidays

It’s a beautiful gift to be married to the love of your life.  In order for the love to stay, it must be nurtured, or it can take wings and fly away.  Unless you’re conscious about making each other your top priority, you can easily get pulled into the demands of work, family and friends.

The Christmas season, meant to be about peace, love and joy, can take an even greater toll on your relationship as you struggle to meet the demands and expectations placed on you.  Unless you’re deliberate about how you’re going to spend the season, you’re at risk for feeling frazzled, anxious, resentful and disconnected by the time it’s over.  Below are my top ten tips for carving out time to stay connected during the holidays.  

  1.  Create A Christmas Holiday Vision Together.  Talk about how you want to feel- connected, loving, joyful and relaxed -and find ways to create it.  Share the traditions that are most important to you and honour each other’s wishes.   
  2. Do It Your Way.  Friends and family will have expectations of you- be ok with being disapproved of and stick together as a team.  
  1. Eliminate Unnecessary Tasks:   Review your to do list and be willing to remove some of the items that are no longer necessary or enjoyable.  Perhaps participating in the yearly cookie bake-off was one of your traditions, but now you’d rather be roasting chestnuts on the open fire.  
  1. Decline Invitations. Schedule appointments with your partner on your calendar and stick to it.  With limited time and energy and lots of extra tasks, you need time just to hang out and breathe.
  1. Be Partners Then Parents.  Parents, remember to put each other first and show your children through your actions that you love and respect each other.   That’s truly the best thing you can do for them.  Take time to connect, even if it’s just for a little while after the kids go to bed.
  1. Let Go Of Unrealistic Expectations Trying to live up to Martha Stewart is a recipe for frustration and anxiety and puts you at risk of behaving like a sergeant major.  Do you really need to have a spotless house, the best and most thoughtful gifts, matching dishes and silverware?  People are visiting you for you, not for your home.  You want the energy in your home to be joyful and uplifting.  
  1. Take Time For Self-Care.  Whether it’s going for a walk, or to the gym, or meditation, maintain your routine in order to rejuvenate yourself and be at your best.   This is especially important if you are travelling, or doing a lot of hosting and having people stay over at your home.  
  1. Be An Appreciator.  Show your partner through your words and deeds that you love your partner and that they are the most important person in your life.  Feeling loved and respected are far more important than any gift.  
  2.  Stay In Touch– Do a 10 second hug every time you meet and every time you part.  Neuroscience tells us that simply holding each other reconnects us and washes away feelings of distance that can easily come up.
  3. Lighten Up!  Have fun together.  Be playful. Have some laughs, watch some fun movies, do silly things together.  When you look back on the holidays, you’ll have fond memories.

Listen to my audio series. It will help you de-stress during the holidays and learn how to communicate better.

Planning Your Dream Marriage-Trenton Wedding Show

Posted on Posted in engaged, Events, love, Marriage Preparation, Uncategorized

What does marriage planning have to do with a wedding show? Everything!  In my talk about creating your dream Marriage, I shared that all couples go through predictable phases.   Those who are successful understand that appreciating one another rather than getting stuck in unmet fantasy expectations is the key to having a lasting loving relationship. Attendees received my couples relationship questionnaire and the opportunity to have a free follow up consultation with me to discuss their current issues as well as how to co-create their marriage together!   Brides received my limited edition ‘What I Love About You’ partner appreciation journal as well.  For those who didn’t attend, check out the  Wide Awake Marriage tab on the home page for my audio series created to help you create the relationship of your dreams!

Your Dream Marriage
Planning Your Dream Marriage
marriage prep
Brides to Be and their entourages
Sharing How To Have your Dream Relationship!
Sharing How To Have your Dream Relationship!
Marriage Planning At Wedding Show
Sharing marriage planning resources with Brides To Be
Marriage Planning at Wedding Show
Mother and Daughter Brides-To-Be!
Marriage Planning at Trenton Wedding Show
Trenton Wedding Show
send love energy

Ditch The Words – Send Loving Energy!

Posted on Posted in communication, love

This call is about expressing love  via  vibrational energy- super important info. about how to communicate lovingly without saying a word or doing a thing!   Quantum physicists have discovered that   we impact each other not only through our words and actions, but more importantly and profoundly by the way we think and feel about each other.   You know the expression ‘The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife?’  or ‘ The couple was making googly eyes at each other’ .  Those are both examples of vibrational energy.   Listen in and discover how you can send loving vibes to your partner- even from a distance!

 

 

loving yourself

Loving Yourself Is The Key To Feeling Good!

Posted on Posted in Emotions, love, singles coaching

In this audio, Maeve and I talk about the benefits of loving yourself.  Most importantly, we feel good when we love and appreciate ourselves.  We may want the love and approval of others, but we don’t need it in order to feel good.  Many people have difficulty with the idea of loving themselves.  Listen in and discover how you can feel good now, regardless of what’s going on in your life.

Brides on a bike

How To Enjoy Planning Your Wedding Part 1

Posted on Posted in engaged, love, Marriage Coaching, Wedding Planning

How To Enjoy Planning Your Wedding part 1

Your wedding is likely the biggest event you will ever plan- with so many details to think about and decisions to make, it can be quite stressful.  The biggest cause of stress, however, isn’t the logistics-it’s the people dynamics- including parents, in-laws, bridesmaids, friends and other family members.  Learning how to manage these relationships with finesse now will help create smooth sailing in the future. (more…)