Alone on Valentine's Day

The Valentine’s Day Solution

Posted on Posted in love

Valentine’s Day can be a challenge- for all kinds of reasons.  If you are single, you’re apt to feel left out.  There’s a tendency to think that all couples are having a dandy old time…although that’s often not the case!  If you’re in a new relationship, there may be anxiety- wondering whether to buy a gift or not.  If you’re expecting something on Valentine’s Day and don’t get anything, that can be a letdown.  Guys especially may feel the obligation to do something romantic even if they don’t feel like it, and no one wants to receive a gift that doesn’t come from the heart.   If your relationship is on the rocks, trying to manufacture emotions isn’t going to work.

What to do?

If you’re a couple, and want something special from your partner on Valentine’s Day  don’t expect them to read your mind.  Tell them that receiving a gift or having a celebration on Valentine’s Day means a lot to you and you would really appreciate it.  Explain what it would mean to you.   Maybe you want a simple gesture, a flower, a poem,  a homemade card or meal, or some bling and dinner out.  Ask for it… and see what happens.

This is about sharing your desires, not demanding that they be fulfilled.    Don’t hint, rather spell out what you’d like.  If your partner doesn’t take the hint, accept it.  Don’t get into ‘stinking thinking’ and make interpretations about what it says about you that they aren’t getting on board.    Instead, if you want something special to happen why not surprise your partner and create the Valentine’s event yourself?    

An Alternative: If that doesn’t work out or if you are single, why not be your own Valentine by turning Valentine’s Day into  ‘I Love Me Day!’  Rather than waiting on someone else to fulfill your wishes, or pine about not having a partner, you can create your own special day.

True freedom comes when you can shine the spotlight on yourself without having to wait for someone else to do it for you.  Does it feel wonderful when someone else does it?… YES for sure…but when you are able to do it, then you don’t need it…you’d like it, you want it, it’s icing on the cake, but if you don’t get it, you aren’t crushed.

Most people are lacking in the self- love, self-appreciation department, so this is the perfect solution.  If you’re single, you can avoid the feeling  that you’re missing out, and if you have a partner that isn’t romantic, you no longer have to feel disappointed or angry or sad that they aren’t into it.

It’s the least selfish thing you can do because when you take the time to nurture, cherish, adore yourself and appreciate yourself, you feel so much better and don’t  feel deprived.  If that sounds lame, it’s because you aren’t used to doing nice things for yourself, and because you don’t feel worthy.  With practice, it’s something you can get used to.  

One way to feel more loving and appreciative of yourself is to create an appreciation journal for yourself and write in all the things you like and love about yourself, your characteristics, things you’ve accomplished, anything that makes you feel good.  Write as much as you can and when you read it, get into the feelings those messages bring up.  Add to it everyday and read it everyday.

Over time your love and appreciation of yourself will grow, and giving yourself an ‘ I Love Me Day!’ will be something  you look forward to.

Handle Stress over the holidays

Christmas Blog: Keeping The Love Over The Christmas Holidays

Posted on Posted in Emotions, love, Uncategorized

Keeping The Love Over The Christmas Holidays

It’s a beautiful gift to be married to the love of your life.  In order for the love to stay, it must be nurtured, or it can take wings and fly away.  Unless you’re conscious about making each other your top priority, you can easily get pulled into the demands of work, family and friends.

The Christmas season, meant to be about peace, love and joy, can take an even greater toll on your relationship as you struggle to meet the demands and expectations placed on you.  Unless you’re deliberate about how you’re going to spend the season, you’re at risk for feeling frazzled, anxious, resentful and disconnected by the time it’s over.  Below are my top ten tips for carving out time to stay connected during the holidays.  

  1.  Create A Christmas Holiday Vision Together.  Talk about how you want to feel- connected, loving, joyful and relaxed -and find ways to create it.  Share the traditions that are most important to you and honour each other’s wishes.   
  2. Do It Your Way.  Friends and family will have expectations of you- be ok with being disapproved of and stick together as a team.  
  1. Eliminate Unnecessary Tasks:   Review your to do list and be willing to remove some of the items that are no longer necessary or enjoyable.  Perhaps participating in the yearly cookie bake-off was one of your traditions, but now you’d rather be roasting chestnuts on the open fire.  
  1. Decline Invitations. Schedule appointments with your partner on your calendar and stick to it.  With limited time and energy and lots of extra tasks, you need time just to hang out and breathe.
  1. Be Partners Then Parents.  Parents, remember to put each other first and show your children through your actions that you love and respect each other.   That’s truly the best thing you can do for them.  Take time to connect, even if it’s just for a little while after the kids go to bed.
  1. Let Go Of Unrealistic Expectations Trying to live up to Martha Stewart is a recipe for frustration and anxiety and puts you at risk of behaving like a sergeant major.  Do you really need to have a spotless house, the best and most thoughtful gifts, matching dishes and silverware?  People are visiting you for you, not for your home.  You want the energy in your home to be joyful and uplifting.  
  1. Take Time For Self-Care.  Whether it’s going for a walk, or to the gym, or meditation, maintain your routine in order to rejuvenate yourself and be at your best.   This is especially important if you are travelling, or doing a lot of hosting and having people stay over at your home.  
  1. Be An Appreciator.  Show your partner through your words and deeds that you love your partner and that they are the most important person in your life.  Feeling loved and respected are far more important than any gift.  
  2.  Stay In Touch– Do a 10 second hug every time you meet and every time you part.  Neuroscience tells us that simply holding each other reconnects us and washes away feelings of distance that can easily come up.
  3. Lighten Up!  Have fun together.  Be playful. Have some laughs, watch some fun movies, do silly things together.  When you look back on the holidays, you’ll have fond memories.

Listen to my audio series. It will help you de-stress during the holidays and learn how to communicate better.

Marriage and Emotional Fitness

Posted on Posted in communication, Emotions

What does emotional fitness have to do with relationships and happiness?

In his 35 years of researching  married couples Dr. John Gottman discovered that couples who are emotionally fit have the most successful marriages.  When we are emotionally fit, we’re able to bounce back quickly from setbacks, take responsibility for our behaviour and work cooperatively with our partner.   In this call, we discuss in detail what emotional fitness is and how it can be learned and practiced.  See emotional fitness coaching under the services tab for more info.

send love energy

Ditch The Words – Send Loving Energy!

Posted on Posted in communication, love

This call is about expressing love  via  vibrational energy- super important info. about how to communicate lovingly without saying a word or doing a thing!   Quantum physicists have discovered that   we impact each other not only through our words and actions, but more importantly and profoundly by the way we think and feel about each other.   You know the expression ‘The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife?’  or ‘ The couple was making googly eyes at each other’ .  Those are both examples of vibrational energy.   Listen in and discover how you can send loving vibes to your partner- even from a distance!

 

 

loving yourself

Loving Yourself Is The Key To Feeling Good!

Posted on Posted in Emotions, love, singles coaching

In this audio, Maeve and I talk about the benefits of loving yourself.  Most importantly, we feel good when we love and appreciate ourselves.  We may want the love and approval of others, but we don’t need it in order to feel good.  Many people have difficulty with the idea of loving themselves.  Listen in and discover how you can feel good now, regardless of what’s going on in your life.